This is a difficult entry to write. I just sat at the computer for a full three or four minutes, trying and failing to think of a good title for this last post. It's so complicated! So I settled for something safe and rather boring.
I've been putting off writing this entry for a little bit, for two reasons. 1) There's a lot of pressure on a last entry! It's got to sum everything up and leave the reader (intentional singularity) feeling complete and satisfied. This is why I hate english! And 2) A summary involves...well...a summing up of everything! And I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I'm still working through a lot of the experiences, in terms of how I feel about them and how I will integrate them into my "real" life.
Speaking of my "real life," it's weird being so totally re-immersed in it. I expected to feel a little at a loss, but instead it's just far too easy to just BE here again. Not joyfully liberated or anything, just BEING. Here. Normality. Almost like I never left. But I think that it's all part of the process, and Glasgow will take some time to kind of get assimilated back into life here.
Speaking of Glasgow. I had a little poster on my wall in my room. It read "What does Glasgow mean to YOU?" And I could never decide. At one point I had the thought that it is a place that I struggle "With, in, and for." Some fun facts about Glasgow: 1) It is the murder capitol of Glasgow. 2) It has a bridge that is acclaimed for the absurd number of dogs that kill themselves by jumping off of it. 3) It's shield claims the expression "The bird that never flew, the tree that never grew, the fish that never swam, and the bell that never rang." It's an absurd place. It's a place that had gruffness and depth and imagination and seediness and vivacity. It's as changeable as it's ridiculous weather. Would I ever live there? Hell no. But my study abroad experience there? Kind of perfect. It's a real place. A real place for a real experience. And real lessons.
When people ask me "How was your study abroad experience?" what will I say? I've given this some thought. I wouldn't want to say anything as one dimensional as "Fantastic!" or "Great!" because it wasn't all the time, and it deserves more depth than that. I've decided that the best adjective would be "Amazing." Because in every sense of the word it was that. I saw and learned SO much. And those things will stay with me forever. The places and the experiences and the people, too. In fact, I made a list:
THE TOP 21 THINGS I'VE LEARNED STUDYING ABROAD:
1) Look to the skies. (You never know, there might be a window! That's a U2 reference.)
And I mean that in the sense of a) when you need that little extra bit of inspiration, b) when you need to figure out if you are going to get absolutely soaked in the next four minutes of your walk to class, c) if you've got a few extra minutes, cloud-picture games are delightful, and d) ENJOY EVERY BIT OF SUNSHINE THAT COMES YOUR WAY!
2) It's okay to go to Starbucks every once in a while.
a) Pragmatism is the potato of life. When the coffee is cheaper, delicious, and can be iced, sized, and carried away to personal preference (which it absolutely CANNOT be anywhere outside the UK), it's worth it. b) Starbucks is an excellent homesickness remedy. Reliable, consistent, and yummy! c) Treating yourself is good for your soul.
3) Smile.
4) The nature of limitations and independence.
This is a complicated one, so I'll elaborate, even thoughI'm not sure I'll do it justice. It's easiest to explain in terms of my Ben Nevis experience- there were two things that really stuck out to me on that trip, other than every single pebble on the way down. One was how there were times that I knew that if I didn't stop and take a break, I would pass out or collapse. There was the certain and absolute knowledge that I would not make it to the top unless I listened to what my body needed. I am a human being, and as badly as I wanted to sprint up to the top, I couldn't. I found that I have limitations that I can't break. Even more importantly than that, there were times that I was exhausted and mentally willing to give up, and then found that my body was capable of doing more than I ever thought I could. Past the point of exhaustion, I could keep going. There's a balance to it, obviously, and it's not an easy one to work out. My study abroad experience taught me both that I am limited and absolutely unlimited at the same time.
5) A good pair of shoes means the world.
6) It's okay to look forward and back, but look down at where you're walking, too.
This is one that I continue to struggle with. Look to the past to ground yourself your roots, look to the future for anticipation and excitement, but also look to the things around you, or you'll end up missing out.
7) Give yourself a happy place, whether it be a daydream or a coffee shop.
8) Find structure but leave breathing room, as well.
9) Always carry a rain hat. And a granola bar.
10) Style comes second. Or third or fourth.
11) Eating alone is not as scary as it seems. In fact, being alone is lovely, sometimes.
12) Appreciate home.
13) When all else fails, keep busy.
14) People are both more and less than you ever expect them to be.
15) A little email goes a long way. So does a little song on the radio, or a little chocolate from a friend.
16) Waiting for the bus is an art. One that I'm not very good at.
17) Keep a record of some kind. It's worth it.
18) Always eat a good breakfast.
19) Don't be tempted by vegetables for 50 pence, no matter how big the bag of spinach is.
20) There's a hell of a lot more for me to learn. I am in no way a finished product.
21) A cup of coffee is always the answer. If not, tea is lovely, too.
Thank you so much to all of you that have been reading this. And to everyone that facebooked, emailed, called, or in general showed you cared. I couldn't have done it without you guys.
Now, a last pooh quote:
"If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart.. I’ll always be with you." -Winnie the Pooh
Much love,
Erin
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